I’m here to check in, to reconnect, to remember.
I’m here with a cup of peppermint tea and the reminder from my sweet Auntie emailing me to tell me to just write.
I’m here in my new house. It’s simple. It’s perfect. I can’t wait to share it with you.
I’m here. Dipping my toes into truth telling.
I’m here at a fork in the road and I am leaning right in to all of the uncertainty.
Mostly, I am here in gratitude. To have this space to write. To have you all to connect with.
I listened to a podcast the other day that spoke of the dangers of luxury. Actually, it wasn’t luxury that was the danger, it was laziness that can come from luxury. Complacency. Getting so comfortable that you forget to learn and push and grow.
And although that doesn’t exactly describe my situation, I connected with the idea.
Getting through the first stages of grief is like that. It’s been so excruciating for so long, that when the pain starts to turn to a dull ache you call that good enough and settle in. You are tired. Exhausted. And so, dull ache feels like a vacation. Like a luxury.
And so you get comfortable.
But it’s not really comfort. At first it’s rest. Well deserved rest. But then, it starts to feel more like fear. Fear of moving past the grief, because that feels like leaving your loved one behind. Fear of making changes in your life that will take effort and perseverance and maybe a little bravery. Fear of being vulnerable.
And so I decided I didn’t have to wait to reconnect with you, with writing, until I am comfortable again. This whole adventure is about the journey, as it has been the whole time.
So tonight, it was time to just write.
Hope you are all doing well. Can’t wait to show you what I have been up to!